“I can’t help but be scared, you know? Like maybe all of this is too good to be true..” I said to Tony yesterday while we were standing in the kitchen.
“Not me, I have faith that this is the baby we are bringing home” Tony said with such confidence in his voice.
The problem about RPL is you’re always waiting for the bad news to come. You know, that’s what you’re used to when dealing with infertility. One thing bad thing happening after another. When things are going well, like really well, it’s hard to enjoy. Your guard is always up.
But another side of me just feels like this time is different and every time I’m fearful, I decide to fight those feelings and focus on the positive. A lot happened over the last few weeks and as promised, I’m still going to update.
Our Harmony results came back and everything is very low risk for chromosomal abnormalities. We did find out what we are having, but are waiting until the 18th to share with our family. We will be sharing the name and the sex of the baby because we want people to know our child now. Our baby is growing and our baby deserves to have an identity and be celebrated.
I’m actually 15 weeks tomorrow, which doesn’t feel real. I made it passed 14 weeks and no matter who you ask, that’s the second trimester. I’ve NEVER made it to the 2nd trimester.
Last Monday I had another appointment. It went really well and we scheduled an early glucose test and another thyroid test for October 19th. Overall I’m happy with how they are monitoring everything and are honoring my requests. We heard the heartbeat, nice and strong at 162 and the nurse said my uterus is moving up like it should and the top is in the right spot.
In an effort to embrace this pregnancy and be more hopeful, I started a new Instagram account. My username is sbthomas_0531. If you request, know that I will be posting pregnancy updates, US pics, bumps, and of course every day-to-day things. https://instagram.com/sbthomas_0531/
I even announced on Facebook, which I never thought I’d do. I always thought I would either announce when the baby was here or when I was so far along I couldn’t hide it anymore. Except, I truly felt like this was another opportunity to bring attention to infertility. If something were to go wrong at this point, I will certainly need so much support.
With the announcement, I didn’t want to include a sugar-coated version. I didn’t want a cute little picture to announce because the reality is, there are too many people on my feed still struggling that wish for that picture. So this is the picture I included.
And this was our actual (very long) announcement we posted to Facebook:
“Tony and I been struggling with infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss for just over 3 years. You might have seen my Facebook posts, read my infertility blog, or even liked the blog’s Facebook page. Many of you have even lived this pain with us. You’ve hoped when we hoped and you’ve cried when we cried. And there has been a lot of hope and certainly a lot of tears.
And today we have big news to share. We would like to share that we are expecting a baby in the very beginning of April 2016. We haven’t hid this pregnancy on my blog or FB page, but it’s time to actually announce.
We are praying this is the baby we get to hold in our arms and take home. So, at this moment, we are choosing to celebrate and share the joy with everyone. We are fully aware that there is no ‘safe’ point in pregnancy, but also know that this time has been completely different and continues to be very different. Chromosomal testing even came back very low-risk. So today, we are choosing to have Faith and share our joy.”
There was a lot of support and I was grateful. I just kept repeating “Jinxes aren’t real.. Jinxes aren’t real” because honestly, announcing was still pretty scary even though so many people knew already.
I’m still taking it one day at a time. My goal is to let go of some of this fear and start really celebrating this pregnancy- talking about it more in my life, buying things that seem scary, taking more pictures, and trusting this process. It will take work, but I truly believe this baby deserves to be celebrated.