Beginning of the 2nd Trimester

“I can’t help but be scared, you know? Like maybe all of this is too good to be true..” I said to Tony yesterday while we were standing in the kitchen.

“Not me, I have faith that this is the baby we are bringing home” Tony said with such confidence in his voice.

The problem about RPL is you’re always waiting for the bad news to come. You know, that’s what you’re used to when dealing with infertility. One thing bad thing happening after another. When things are going well, like really well, it’s hard to enjoy. Your guard is always up.

But another side of me just feels like this time is different and every time I’m fearful, I decide to fight those feelings and focus on the positive. A lot happened over the last few weeks and as promised, I’m still going to update.

Harmony Results:
Our Harmony results came back and everything is very low risk for chromosomal abnormalities. We did find out what we are having, but are waiting until the 18th to share with our family. We will be sharing the name and the sex of the baby because we want people to know our child now. Our baby is growing and our baby deserves to have an identity and be celebrated.

2nd Trimester:
I’m actually 15 weeks tomorrow, which doesn’t feel real. I made it passed 14 weeks and no matter who you ask, that’s the second trimester. I’ve NEVER made it to the 2nd trimester.

Midwife Appointment: 

Last Monday I had another appointment. It went really well and we scheduled an early glucose test and another thyroid test for October 19th. Overall I’m happy with how they are monitoring everything and are honoring my requests. We heard the heartbeat, nice and strong at 162 and the nurse said my uterus is moving up like it should and the top is in the right spot.

In an effort to embrace this pregnancy and be more hopeful, I started a new Instagram account. My username is sbthomas_0531. If you request, know that I will be posting pregnancy updates, US pics, bumps, and of course every day-to-day things.

Facebook Announcement: 
I even announced on Facebook, which I never thought I’d do. I always thought I would either announce when the baby was here or when I was so far along I couldn’t hide it anymore.  Except, I truly felt like this was another opportunity to bring attention to infertility. If something were to go wrong at this point, I will certainly need so much support.

With the announcement, I didn’t want to include a sugar-coated version. I didn’t want a cute little picture to announce because the reality is, there are too many people on my feed still struggling that wish for that picture. So this is the picture I included. FullSizeRender

And this was our actual (very long) announcement we posted to Facebook:

“Tony and I been struggling with infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss for just over 3 years. You might have seen my Facebook posts, read my infertility blog, or even liked the blog’s Facebook page. Many of you have even lived this pain with us. You’ve hoped when we hoped and you’ve cried when we cried. And there has been a lot of hope and certainly a lot of tears.

And today we have big news to share. We would like to share that we are expecting a baby in the very beginning of April 2016. We haven’t hid this pregnancy on my blog or FB page, but it’s time to actually announce.

We are praying this is the baby we get to hold in our arms and take home. So, at this moment, we are choosing to celebrate and share the joy with everyone. We are fully aware that there is no ‘safe’ point in pregnancy, but also know that this time has been completely different and continues to be very different. Chromosomal testing even came back very low-risk. So today, we are choosing to have Faith and share our joy.” 

There was a lot of support and I was grateful. I just kept repeating “Jinxes aren’t real.. Jinxes aren’t real” because honestly, announcing was still pretty scary even though so many people knew already.

I’m still taking it one day at a time. My goal is to let go of some of this fear and start really celebrating this pregnancy- talking about it more in my life, buying things that seem scary, taking more pictures, and trusting this process. It will take work, but I truly believe this baby deserves to be celebrated.


Importance of Seeking Support

I want to first give a shout out to a new blogger I just started following. She could use your encouragement and support. If you haven’t already followed her, please show her some love. The blog is And my heart truly goes out to her because she’s coping with the grief of four miscarriages. Those of you that know my story, can truly understand why I would be so grateful if you’d reach out.


Importance of Seeking Support

We all handle things differently, we all cope in different ways and in the various stages in our grief our coping mechanisms are sometimes very different. With each of my miscarriages, grieving didn’t look the same. Sometimes I immersed myself in my work, while other times I stayed in bed and cried for days.

But honestly, what really bothers me is the ‘wait until you’re 12wks pregnant announcement’ expectation to announce.  You know ‘in case you have a miscarriage.’ Yes, I can respect if a woman wants to grieve alone if she miscarries, but I can’t help but recognize how much that statement isolates women that want to talk about their loss.

I almost feel like that statement says, “Well if it happens before 12wks it’s not a big deal” because “It’s so common.” While statistics do prove it’s not a rare occurrence, that does not diminish the pain. Miscarriages are devastating no matter how far along you are. And what that statement is really saying is that we are supposed to handle it alone. We aren’t supposed to talk about the baby. We are not supposed to hurt. We are just to pretend it never happened because it makes society ‘more comfortable.’

While miscarriage *is* uncomfortable to talk about, sometimes I believe that’s because no one really talks about it. You should see how fast a conversation changes anytime I even say the word miscarriage in a public setting. It’s almost as if I had dropped the F-bomb. Why is this not socially acceptable to mention? Why do people clam up and change the subject? Why do they sometimes glaze over the word like it was never spoken? I’ve had 4 miscarriages and that’s a part of me. That’s just the way it is. I didn’t choose this, but I should be allowed to acknowledge it and talk about it.

There is no doubt that after my first miscarriage I had absolutely no support. I remember still actively miscarrying setting up my classroom in the beginning of 2012. While everyone was asking, “How was your summer?” I was trying not to cry my eyes out. While everyone was excited for a new start, I was grieving a loss and was so angry.

I only told a few people and a few of those people would prove to have little compassion. In fact, I can recognize that by telling a certain few, it actually added  more devastation.

Little did I realize at the time, that didn’t mean that support wasn’t available and I should have been confiding in different people. I shared with some of the wrong people and others that would be a support I pushed away because that was what I needed to do at the time.  I remember hearing, “at least it wasn’t a baby yet” and “at least it was early” and “at least you can get pregnant.” All very hurtful comments when you lose your baby. I don’t care how early you are, it’s still incredibly painful.

That year I had 2 more miscarriages while teaching and having very little support. I began to feel like Tony and I were completely alone in this. After a tough day at school, which happened daily, I would show up on our door step, where Tony was always waiting for me. He knew I’d show up in tears and everyday he waited and wrapped his arms around me. Most nights he held me while I cried myself to sleep. And I’d pull myself back together for the next day and pretend everything was okay. And let me tell you, you get pretty damn good at hiding your pain after a miscarriage.

Sometime after the second miscarriage, I realized this wasn’t my fault and the way some reacted is not how everyone would react. I was able to find a friend that had compassion and instead of pushing others away I slowly let them in. Although allowing others to support me was not always easy for me. I didn’t know how to allow others to support me. I was so closed off, I also think they didn’t really know how because I didn’t share with them.

I eventually quit teaching, which was an act of absolute survival. Many thought I was nuts, but those that knew my story understood. Through this all, I can honestly respect and appreciate those that have stuck by me. Those that even though I pushed away, still continue to support me each day.

There is a vulnerability with sharing your story. It’s hard.  I’m not saying shout it from the roof tops, but I want you to understand how important a good support system is. That year of my first 3 miscarriages, there were a few people who got me through. I didn’t announce my struggle to the world. But I finally had support.

Also be aware, that just because a few people you told made you feel like shit, doesn’t mean everyone will. There is support out there. You just have to find it, but I do believe it is essential to coping with a  miscarriage. Find *that* friend that *gets* it, find a support group, join one on FB or join Twitter anonymously. Start an anonymous blog and become part of that community, respond to forums… Do whatever you have to find it. Do whatever you have to do to cope.

For me, aside from Tony and a few really good friends, it was blogging. I was finally in a world that understood. Women I’ve never met understood my struggles. And isn’t that what we all need? Someone to understand us?  This isn’t a problem someone can just fix, but to have a listening ear and compassion, that’s valuable.

Then the healing for me really began after our fourth miscarriage when I took a year off from TTC, lost 50lbs, practiced self-care, and shared my story with the world last April. I know that’s not for everyone, but it was healing for me.

My point though? You’re not alone. You know the statistics. Miscarriage is common, but it’s still devastating. It’s okay to not be okay. But please don’t underestimate the power of support and connection. You’re not alone.

“In Due Time” by Jen Noonan

There is always an instant connection among women in the infertility community. Often times it doesn’t even matter how long you’ve struggled, if you now have children or have chosen to live a child free life. As soon as you speak with someone who has gone through this battle, there is an unspoken bond. You know, they truly understand your pain.

They won’t tell you to ‘just relax’ or ‘just adopt’ because they’ve been there too. I imagine this is much like other struggles in life. When someone who has experienced the same type of pain and frustration, there is just an instant connection.

Sometimes though the bond doesn’t so much happen in my day-to-day life or in the blogging community, but it happens often through literature.  I’ve always viewed reading books about infertility and miscarriage as another way to feel a little less alone, because we all know how isolating this battle can be.  When someone opens the door to their life through a book, and allows others in, there is such courage in that.

And the rest of us learn from them, that we are not alone. There is so much power in that.

I’ve read a lot of infertility and miscarriage books throughout the course of my own three year battle with recurrent pregnancy loss. Usually, I choose my books based on the recommendations of those also struggling with infertility. However, I was honored when Jen Noonan emailed me to ask if I’d be a part of her her launch at the end of September.

The book I got the privilege of reading before its release date was written by Jen Noonan and the title of her story is “In Due Time.” It is currently available for purchase on Amazon. And the digital download should be available soon.

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I know that writing about your story isn’t easy. I’ve even chosen to password protect my most vulnerable posts. But Jen has put her entire story out there, which depicts the depth of desperation of an ‘unexplained infertility’ diagnosis and the pain of miscarriage and loss. Her writing fully portrays the roller coaster one goes through struggling through infertility. The happy moments, the sad moments, and those moments you don’t think you can even go on.

I must say the most heart-wrenching part of her story is when she wrote about miscarriage and loss. This is a pain that I’m all too familiar with and anytime I know someone has gone through this pain, my heart truly breaks for them. I can’t explain it, but it’s like a crushing wave that reminds me of my own miscarriages and pain. To know that others have experienced this pain too is devastating. Although the tears in my eyes were freely flowing while I was reading her book, it was also therapeutic to read her story from start to finish.

Many times in this battle we cannot see what’s ahead in our own journey. Wouldn’t it be easier to manage the heartbreak if we could? If we just knew how our story would come to a closure? We would either stop pursuing motherhood sooner, take a completely different path, or maybe we would be able to persist on because we knew there would be a beautiful baby at the end? But in Jen’s book, you can see her story from start to finish and as I closed the book I felt a sense of peace and hope.

Jen Noonan took a risk by sharing her story and in so many ways has given a stronger voice to the infertility community. Each time someone shares their story and makes the defeat and pain known to the world it gives each of us a little more voice.. sometimes you even hear a little whisper to say, “You’re not alone.”

This is a truly encouraging book that I didn’t put down from start to finish. It was a quick read and while I was reading it time just seemed to pass so quickly. If you’d like an inspirational story and are feeling very much alone, get a copy of “In Due Time.”

First Midwife Appointment

Thank you for the support on my last post, as mentioned at the end of that post, we had our midwife appointment last Friday and my general updates will not be password protected.

It was a week full of appointments and by Friday afternoon I was emotionally exhausted. I had a useless OB appointment on Tuesday that resulted in tears, and amazing ultrasound on Wednesday, and a midwife appointment on Friday.

I should just start by saying that I absolutely loved the midwife. This appointment was completely what I had expected from the first appointment. It’s strange though, everyone is talking about my due date, future testing and the 20wk ultrasound, breastfeeding vs. formula- all of that feels so far away to me.  It’s still hard for me to see that far ahead, although I’m trying.

When I arrived, I met with a nurse that discussed family history, basic pregnancy nutrition and the do’s and don’ts of pregnancy (you know the stuff I’ve been doing anyway for 3 years now). We talked about my PCOS, thyroid issues, and past pregnancies. I was thankful my history was not ignored this time.

I then got weighed, my blood pressure was checked (it’s always high when I’m at my OB’s office), they had me give a urine sample again and then I waited for the midwife.

I really liked her from the moment she walked in the room. She had a warmth about her and immediately put my mind at ease when she used the fetal doppler right away. She couldn’t find the baby right away, but he/she was hiding and it was okay. We heard the heartbeat and I felt better. Then she proceeded with the appointment.

I suspect they don’t usually start with the doppler because as she was doing the doppler, she discussed my recurrent pregnancy loss history. Maybe she needed as much reassurance that my baby was still okay as I did. She also mentioned that she struggled with infertility and personally knows what it’s like to have a miscarriage. She knew what I had been through and I’m so thankful she was willing to share that with me. She just gets it.

We then talked about earlier glucose and insulin testing because of PCOS being linked to gestational diabetes, which will happen between 14-16wks and again in the second trimester.  She sent me for another thyroid blood test because my last one was 4 weeks ago with my RE.

While talking about my history though, she mentioned that my next US will not be until 20wks (which I knew and am okay with), but said I could come in every week for the fetal doppler if I’d like. I told her I could check that at home and I’ve been able to find the baby pretty easily. So she said she would like me to still come in every two weeks because of anxiety.  And if I ever cannot find the heartbeat they will gladly do an ultrasound.

We also did the Harmony test to check for chromosomal abnormalities because I’ve had at least one chromosomal loss already, just so we can prepare ourselves and make sure we give this baby the best chance. Your prayers for good news are appreciated.

It turned out to be a good week and I’m thankful my midwife had such compassion. We then celebrated Tony’s 34th birthday on Sunday. His actual birthday was on Monday, but we had a family dinner on Sunday. For the first time in 3 years, we were not recovering from a miscarriage and we could truly enjoy Tony’s birthday filled with hope for the future.



Bumpdates: I Just Can’t

I’m 12wks today. We’ve successfully seen the baby 5 times. I’m at that point where recording my pregnancy feels necessary and I’ve been asked about Bumpdates several times. In no way am I saying they’re wrong and I totally understand why women do them, but I’m just going to explain why they won’t be here on this blog.

Bumpdates came up on my blog before- those familiar with the blogging world are very aware of what a Bumpdate is and have seen many of them before.

I fully understand that women wait years for the ability to be able to do a Bumpdate and it’s sort of a right of passage after having a very difficult time conceiving or moving past the first trimester. Every time a blogger gets to move on to the Bumpdate stage, I’m happy for them. Isn’t that the goal after all? How hopeless would we be if no one ever crossed that line? Before I started actively blogging and reading blogs, I always thought I would want to do Bumpdates. Sort of like a gender reveal party and a baby shower.. but now? I just want my baby here safe. That’s the only thing I want.

But there will be no Bumpdates here with ultrasound pictures and cute questionnaires. It’s not that I’m not keeping track, and I’m certainly aware that it’s easier to keep a diary on a blog especially if you’re an avid blogger, but they won’t be here.

I started this space right after I had my 3rd miscarriage. I named my blog “A Calm Persistence” because that’s sort of how I wanted to approach life. Just keep pushing through, you know? One foot in front of the other.. no matter how bad things are. When I started blogging,  I envisioned this blog going through infertility, pregnancy, then parenting.

While, I’m hoping I can blog about parenting after recurrent pregnancy loss one day soon,  blogging about pregnancy is difficult for me. I’ve been told that my fears are irrational and I’m crazy, but I still have been at this for three years, four miscarriages, and have no living children with me. So, although some may think my fears are ridiculous, I’m doing the best I can.

There are many people out there that care about me that follow this blog. But I also know they are some of the people struggling with infertility too. They want to know how I am doing, but they are also fighting one of the biggest battles of their life. And I want to support them in every way possible. There are (at the very least) 6 people in my day-to-day life that read this blog that are neck-deep, just trying to keep their head above water and I love these people.

In addition, there are so many people following this blog that are still very much in the trenches who blog. Some that I exchange texts with and support on a daily basis.  At any given time they could have an immensely horrible day and then my bump pops up in their feed? I can’t even imagine and I know they’d never condemn me for those posts, but I just can’t.

I know these women and they probably wouldn’t even unfollow my blog. They would just silently cope with the struggle that it’s still not their turn and I would be that reminder.  I remember feeling so much like this.. I truly cared about so many bloggers, but it still hurt me. I’m sure you understand if you’re going through infertility. No matter how happy you are for someone else, it still hurts it’s not you.

No, I’m not saying that Bumpdates are bad at all and I’ve even enjoyed most of them I’ve read. I’m not saying you shouldn’t do them and I do think they are a valuable journal you’ll be able to show your baby someday. I have actually enjoyed seeing cute bumps, hearing funny stories, and seeing success in the infertility community most days.

But then there were THOSE days. When I would log into WordPress to spill my heart because I had another inconclusive beta, another heartbreaking ultrasound, or was told that our baby wouldn’t survive. There were days I logged in to write about inducing a miscarriage, catching my baby in a strainer, or how much I was hurting.

And before I would start that heartbreaking post, I’d check my WordPress Reader and it never failed.. there was always a bump, an US picture, or a cute story about a gender reveal. That I’d wonder, ‘Will it ever be my turn?’ and it was usually followed by sadness for my own situation. While happy for them, my heart broke each time for the babies I lost and the pain I was feeling. I know this is my issue, but I always promised myself, no matter what emotions I’d just accept them and let them take the course.

I’ve always felt that anyone who blogs should do what they want with their space. So this is what I’m choosing to do and if you chose to do Bumpdates, honestly that’s okay too. There is a place for them after infertility.

For me though, grieving the loss of a child or a dream of pregnancy, while seeing ultrasound pictures was almost too much for me. And I just can’t imagine doing that to the people I love and care about. Even if that crushing pain happened only once and I didn’t even know about it. I just can’t.

So here’s how pregnancy will be handled for now on this blog (God-willing I even get to continue). If I want to post a Bumpdate or a picture, those posts will be password protected. They will not just pop up in your feed.  I will post short updates without a password on my pregnancy and pregnancy will be mentioned here. I will post about milestones, after ultrasounds (without the pictures) telling everyone how I’m doing- they won’t be password protected, but unlike the pictures that just show up in your reader, you can choose not to read them.

To this day, there are still bloggers I worry about that just stopped blogging. I won’t stop blogging, but I promise to be sensitive in my post. The next post I’ll be writing is about my midwife appointment from Friday. Feel free to unfollow this blog if even those updates are too painful. I’ll understand. I promise.<3

An Ultrasound

On this exact day, three years ago, Tony and I were told after an US that our 2nd pregnancy wasn’t viable. That we would be miscarrying within the next two weeks.

Three years ago, I still assumed my miscarriages were a fluke and we’d go onto have a healthy pregnancy. Little did I know, the storm was just beginning and I’d be making some drastic life changes. Life changes I still don’t regret a bit. And we would go on to have 3+ years of infertility, a total of 4 miscarriages, and a lot of heartbreak.

I remember how dark that time was, I think that’s something you never forget. It’s those dates that cause so much pain.

But then today? That date changed me. September 16th feels so different to me today.

Tonight we had our scan. Tonight was totally different than yesterday… we saw the baby and I was measuring ahead at 11w6d. The ultrasound tech was absolutely wonderful. I told her my history and she took her time with the ultrasound. We saw the chambers in the heart and the brain looked amazing. She also gave me over 10(?) pictures of the baby, the foot, arms, and hands. She also switched to 3d and we got to see a baby that looked like a baby.

It was absolutely incredible. I’m just hoping and praying that this good news continues, but I guess it’s about time that I start believing this baby is coming home with us. I’m well aware that there is no safe point in a pregnancy.. I’ve seen and experienced too much loss. But I need to start having faith that things will work out. Honestly, it just doesn’t even feel real and I’m still struggling to process it all. But I’m incredibly grateful.


First OB Appointment

I made my first OB appointment at 8 weeks for somewhere around 11 weeks. I’ve was insanely nervous wondering if I was jinxing myself. Yes, I know jinxes aren’t real, but when going through this you truly analyze all of your decisions.

When I went to find a new OB, instead of going to the one I miscarried at 3 times, I wanted to go somewhere else.  I was disappointed to find out that the OBGYN offices in the area (that are smaller practices) aren’t accepting new patients.

I analyzed a lot of things though. I am pregnant. Things are going well. I am clearly not the same timid girl that I once was three years ago. I’m my own advocate, I’m well-researched, and I have a lot of support. Maybe my experience would be different because this pregnancy is different.

So, I decided to go to the old practice. I must say, many women that have normal pregnancies love this place. Me, however, I can’t help but feel like I’m just a number and I WILL be constantly calling the different practices to see when they have an opening.

Needless to say, yesterday was my first appointment. I was completely unprepared for it, almost blindsided. Prior to the appointment, I spoke with the lady that scheduled my appointment and she said that I would be getting an ultrasound because of my history. Then I called about a week before my appointment just to double check.

I went to a smaller office instead of the main campus, so at least I wasn’t surrounded by memories of my first three miscarriages. The room was nice, the lady at that checked me in was unbelievably sweet, and I was pleased that we had chosen this office. It didn’t have the same feel as the other one.

So, I get called back and the nurse starts to ask me a few questions.

Nurse: Do you have any symptoms?
I thought: Does she know I’m over 11 weeks when symptoms start to decrease? Also, symptoms don’t mean anything. I’ve had lots of symptoms in the past and do you know what? I lost those babies. Symptoms mean nothing to me. I’ve felt better with this pregnancy than I did when I lost all my other 4. Besides compared to miscarrying over and over, I’m really okay.
I said: I’m overly tired, was nauseous in the first few weeks, have been emotional. Nothing major, I’ve been feeling okay.

Nurse: Do you have any spotting?
I thought: Trust me I would have called if I had any spotting. Did she not read my file? I’ve had four miscarriages, I know the signs. I am not clueless.
I said: No, I was in the ER for immense bleeding at week 7, but haven’t had anything since then.

Then she gave me a card, with a website that was information about the first trimester. I was a bit annoyed. I’m almost out of the first trimester. I don’t need this stupid card.

Then I was taken to a room where she told me to put on a hospital gown. I asked if they were doing an ultrasound today, and the nurse said, “No, this is just an introduction.”

While I was changing, I started crying and I just couldn’t stop. Tony knew exactly why I was crying and he tried his best to comfort me. It was like one of those breakdowns as a kid, where you want to be brave, but all you can do is cry and hope too many people aren’t looking. My face immediately turned bright red and the tears just started flowing. I couldn’t catch my breath in between sobs. There would be no way I’d pull myself together before the doctor came in.

I’ve waited over three weeks to see my baby. I’ve waited over three weeks for some reassurance and I was getting none today. I just needed to know that I wasn’t carrying around a baby that was still alive. It’s hard to describe the fear after recurrent pregnancy loss. This is the first appointment without my RE, I just needed some reassurance. That’s all I needed. And I thought that’s what I was getting.

So the doctor walked in. She was very nice and asked if I was okay. That’s when the tears really started flowing even more. I told her that I might not even need this appointment if my baby isn’t still alive. And I cried and cried and cried.

She spent a good 5 minutes in front of the due date calculator-wheel thing trying to figure out my due date and viewed the reports of my other ultrasounds. She reassured me that after seeing a heartbeat, the miscarriages rates drop. And I informed her that I had already lost a baby AFTER we saw a heartbeat.

She remained calm and didn’t get upset with all of my comments and concerns, but I wasn’t holding back. Do you know how many times I just sat there and nodded??  I wasn’t doing that anymore. I’m done with just agreeing with doctors.   Nope, I’m not the same person I once was. I was mad, sad, and frustrated that I’d be getting no reassurance and I’d have to wait another 2 weeks for an ultrasound.

Then she did a breast exam and a basic pelvic exam, she mentioned that my uterus started moving up, which was a good sign. I could still barely catch my breath though and the tears were still streaming down my face. Then she was kind enough to use the Doppler, but warned me we night not hear anything this soon because the baby could be hiding.

She found the heartbeat right away. I was grateful. But, I also know a heartbeat doesn’t mean that the baby is growing as it should. I just wanted to see my baby. I wanted to know that my baby was measuring on track and growing as he/she should be.

She briefly mentioned tests that are done and at what weeks, but said they wouldn’t be scheduled today.

And then that was it.

A total of 15 minutes and I was done.

I then questioned the nurse before checking out. No blood work? No peeing in a cup? Nothing? Just a pelvic exam and a few questions about symptoms and spotting? That’s it.

Well, then while I was in the waiting room checking out, they came back to get me for blood work. The doctor said that I could do it today instead. I thought this appointment was a complete waste of time. Basically, they were putting me through all the steps as if I was a new prenatal patient, but I’m not. I’ve already had intense monitoring for this pregnancy and today was a waste.

I’ve been seeing an RE that THEY referred me to. He works WITH them. I’m not sure why this appointment was even necessary.

The lady explained to me that I needed  a confirmation ultrasound within the next two weeks, which also made me mad. She said a confirmation ultrasound is to prove that I was pregnant. But really another sense of defeat washed over me,  I’ve already had 3 of those. It’s like they are completely ignoring my history, but at least I get an ultrasound.

So the lady at the front desk scheduled it for the very next day because she knew I was upset (actually I’m pretty sure everyone in the office knew I was upset). So, I’ll have an ultrasound tonight. Which makes me happy that I’ll know how things are going and I’m also a bit scared. This exact day 3 years ago, we found out we were miscarrying for the 2nd time.  Prayers and good vibes are appreciated.